I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just cropdusted the office
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
