one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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