woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
