I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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