id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The uberlube is also flammable
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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