I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
