smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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