I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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