yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
