That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
