Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
