Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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