I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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