I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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