Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
