turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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