arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
