Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
