Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize