i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
