I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
