biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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