I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize