If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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