hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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