GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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