Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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