A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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