once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
