Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
