You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
