We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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