There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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