dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
