the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
