From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
