I smell stomach acid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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