yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
