dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
