clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im holly from the hills drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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