i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
