dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
