Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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