Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
