Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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