Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
