I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
