"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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