Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
