I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we're making bets on your personal life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
