Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im part way to drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
