In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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