i think my mom watched the whole time
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
