When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
