Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
