Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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