Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
