Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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