Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
