dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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