I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
