i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
