Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
