That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
