omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
