so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
