I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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