The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
