He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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