I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
